November 2, 2017: 30 Years To Where

I was often told that my life would be a great story to tell. What’s so great about my life? Nothing. 

I hate to admit, but at the age of 30 I am completely disappointed in myself. I’m disappointed that I’ve constantly blamed the people I love for my circumstances. I’m disappointed that I never listened to the good advices that people gave me. I’m disappointed that I’m not to my full potential. I’ve dreamt big dreams but I never put my all into anything. So what am I to do? 

I don’t think I have a huge amount of debt compared to others, but I have debt. Debt is like this crazy Venus fly trap that slowly closes down on you and saps you of your ability to live. I feel stressed when money even comes to mind. I get stressed and frustrated when I constantly try to figure out how to get out of this mess. Actually, I just want to run away. When I get my paycheck, I spend it right away. That’s my problem.

So in order to get somewhere, I’ve created this blog just to document my journey. Feel free to read along because I know other people are in my situation or can relate. Feel free to even comment for some advice. 

I read in a book that in order to truly start making money I need to eliminate bills as much as possible. 

This is what they look like:
T-Mobile: $200 per month

Lowest I can make it: $100 per month

Action: Pay off $1609.75

Gas: $120 per month

Car Insurance: $65 per month

Gym Membership: $21.05 per month

Best Buy: $2496.00
Food varies, but I’m hoping that I could eventually factor that in. My problem has always been money. I’ve always purchased the latest gadget. I always ended up trading my things for something of lower value. I was never really satisfied. My soul is literally craving for something and nothing seems to work. In order to get out of the mess I am in, I need to most likely lower my T-Mobile first. The other part of me is saying that I should pay off Best Buy each week until it’s gone. Interest builds up after all. Either way, the first step is to just pay something. 

Here’s my journey towards making that $50,000.

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Day 0 – My Life Down Under

Today, I wanted to just write about what’s going on my life. I realized I never really taken the time to write in a journal despite me creating blogs about my fitness journey.

Right now, I’m struggling. I am struggling to the point where I feel like I don’t know whether I can continue on or not. It makes me cry. It makes me furious. It feels like everything goes right and all of a sudden things hit the fan.

I was able to get my own car, but to find out two weeks later it broke down because of a transmission problem. It costs $1500-1650 to repair. Taking a look online to research whether it is worth it or not, I find out that the model I have is known to have lots of problems of breaking down. I end up trying to sell the car to the mechanic. They can offer only $500. Just my luck… I take there offer and still waiting for a call back.

My roommate is moving out saying something how I never clean up the house. I get more stressed because I used to clean everyday, but no one cleans up after there mess. I work 11.5 hours per day, and I’m never home. So I stopped.

The electricity bill gets cut off because my mom was behind.

I become stressed. I can’t think while at work, and my boss can sense it.

I barely have any money for food or anything. I realize that people stress more about the bills and debt because that’s what I’m doing. Taking my boss as my mentor and with the help of my girlfriend’s parents. I submit myself to God and his works while listening to the advice of others.

The Only Way Is Up

I’m tired and I’m frustrated with myself knowing that I am not able to help those around me who need it. I’m frustrated with being a burden on people when all they have done is help me and stuck by my side regardless of the difficulties I’ve faced.

I’m tired of waking up each day knowing that I’m not living the life that I want to live. With all the pain that I’ve been dealing with I can either throw in the towel or stick for another round. If it wasn’t for my supporting girlfriend, I would’ve gave up long time ago. She has been with me through every part of my life. She’s my best friend, and despite me falling repeatedly; she’s been there to pick me up. I’m not really sure where I would be without her.

Through all these hardships, I have to thank God because if it wasn’t for Him I would not be closer to Him the way I am now. I’ve made my share of mistakes. I am starting to understand that I had to receive a lot of hardships that eventually I had no where else to turn to except Him. By bringing me out of my comfort zone, and falling completely to my knees. I have nothing left to lose, but only thousands of things to gain.

I have always ran away from my problems, but despite the things that are going on my life, I won’t back down. I won’t back down from a fight unless I give it my all. I decided to try out sales at a car dealership. I’m not really sure if I’ll be even good at it, but here I am getting out of my safety zone for God because he has helped me. I did it before when I was little but I’ve only sold albums. My girlfriend thinks it’s because I had a cute factor, but I feel like I had this latent talent to sell. After all, when I had worked at Things Remembered I was top sales every single month for selling premium fonts. I realized throughout my life, I was able to sell a lot. Even in high school, I was able to sell my own music regardless of what people thought about it. They laughed and laughed behind my back, but despite all of that I was able to sell my own music.

I understand that selling cars is completely different from what I’m used to selling, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take even though I will face challenges here and there. I can only rise from this point on…

 

Depression Is No Laughing Matter

Depression isn’t a laughing matter nor is it a thing to take lightly. A lot of us in the world suffer from sort of depression, and the people we care about suffer from it from time to time as well. Lately, I’ve been going through that and I’ve been battling my stresses trying to figure out how to keep myself from drowning.

Before I would usually just go to bed and not do anything. Now, I just need to do something. If I slow down to pause, then I start stressing out and doubting my abilities to overcome these obstacles that stand in my way. Of course, I still do pause when I’m praying etc, but other than that I try to be productive.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not saying I’m a productive person. Tackling tasks one after another doesn’t really make me productive especially if I’m not growing into the positive direction I want to go in. If you’re down and you’re stressing out because of whatever life has given you, then I implore you to keep trying to fight that good fight that you have. Do anything besides not doing nothing. Eventually we will all end up in a far better place than where are currently.

Maximizing Productivity Through Stress

We all experience some sort of hardships through life. We tend to let things get the best of us as we just continuously build unneeded stress. We sabotage ourselves and because of it we limit our own potential.

I’ve been through a crazy roller coaster ride, and believe me I’m not fond of it. Or at least, that’s what I originally had thought. Through personal development and constantly expanding myself, I’ve began to grow to a level I cannot really explain. Why couldn’t I just started sooner? At least, I’m starting now…

When I experience some setback or some kind of trial, I usually just ball up in a corner and just wait for the whole thing to pass. Constantly waiting and waiting as the days and seasons passes by. Nothing changes.

The moment when you tell yourself is enough, you start to let go of all the fears that you had. You let go of all the doubts, the blame, and you find yourself facing yourself in the mirror. After all, this is your battle. This is your war that you have to deal with internally. I’ve been constantly stressed out, that I told myself that today was going to be the day where it all stops. That for me to grow and for me to change the things around me, I had to start with myself.

So for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been working and I been building up the faith that I needed to persevere. To continuously draw closer to the One who lets me know that all is well. Be productive. Be creative. Continue to do what you do, but build yourself up better than the day before. Everything will fall into place before you began to realize it.