Feeling Lost In Love

I woke up this morning feeling lost. I felt confused because I’ve been wondering what I have been doing the past couple of years. It was in that moment when I start to realize that I’ve wasted so much time on developing myself as a person. I sought things that would make me happy and I have never fully accepted myself. I’ve ran away from problems and problems began to pile up instead of me facing it.

So I’m here… I’m here facing my problems and trying my best to get up and stand firm. It’s rough. Part of me wants to give up, but all of me wants to just get out of my situation. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of seeing people suffer because of me.

I’ve been trying my best best to grow as a person and find my purpose. I’m curious on knowing who I am. I’m curious on why I was born and what kind of success I will achieve. I think what’s important to me is getting closer to God. I have yet to have a firm faith that will lead me through all the struggles that may come my way.

So in writing this, I’m letting you all know that I’m not together. I’m facing problems myself but it will not stop me from doing my blogs. It will not stop me from trying to develop myself into the best person I need to be. I want to do this for me so I can be able to accept love and give love unconditionally.


New Year, New You

It’s been a while since I have posted anything lately. I’ve actually finished my workout programs, and I started to do it again. Unfortunately, I’m trying to figure out why I have not been consistent in going to the gym when I have been doing it for 3 months straight. I’m trying to figure out why is it that I don’t wake up 3:30AM in the morning.

I think I am at the point in my life where I’m just lost. I’m trying to figure out what is my purpose and in these times I find myself trying to grow as much as possible.

People talk about the new year as if that should be the starting point in trying to change. Some people tend to give up and wait for the next year to start again. Time is so precious it amazes me how much I actually waste it. Yet from trying to juggle so many things as once, I realize that my mind is scattered. At those times, it is important for me to sit still and listen.

Day 1 – Running Towards My Fear

I woke up early and stared at my computer. I stared at my to-do list and figured that there’s no point. I probably procrastinated for a good hour of moping around and complaining about my current lifestyle.

I’m not sure what it was, but I knew that I couldn’t just sit still. If I really didn’t like the way my life was, then I had to do something about it. No one was going to help. Only I could help myself. Of course there’s going to be people who support me and people who want to help, but when it comes down to it…. you need to get up. So that’s what I did.

I went to go for a run and even though I haven’t ran the past couple of days. It felt amazing@! It felt amazing knowing i was able to accomplish one task which made me want to accomplish more.

Sure, my bills are looking bad right now but if I keep trying and keep being persistent then eventually they’ll all be eliminated and that’s what I have to stay focused on. I have to keep making small steps that will better my future.

How much can I progress?

Day 0 – My Life Down Under

Today, I wanted to just write about what’s going on my life. I realized I never really taken the time to write in a journal despite me creating blogs about my fitness journey.

Right now, I’m struggling. I am struggling to the point where I feel like I don’t know whether I can continue on or not. It makes me cry. It makes me furious. It feels like everything goes right and all of a sudden things hit the fan.

I was able to get my own car, but to find out two weeks later it broke down because of a transmission problem. It costs $1500-1650 to repair. Taking a look online to research whether it is worth it or not, I find out that the model I have is known to have lots of problems of breaking down. I end up trying to sell the car to the mechanic. They can offer only $500. Just my luck… I take there offer and still waiting for a call back.

My roommate is moving out saying something how I never clean up the house. I get more stressed because I used to clean everyday, but no one cleans up after there mess. I work 11.5 hours per day, and I’m never home. So I stopped.

The electricity bill gets cut off because my mom was behind.

I become stressed. I can’t think while at work, and my boss can sense it.

I barely have any money for food or anything. I realize that people stress more about the bills and debt because that’s what I’m doing. Taking my boss as my mentor and with the help of my girlfriend’s parents. I submit myself to God and his works while listening to the advice of others.

The Only Way Is Up

I’m tired and I’m frustrated with myself knowing that I am not able to help those around me who need it. I’m frustrated with being a burden on people when all they have done is help me and stuck by my side regardless of the difficulties I’ve faced.

I’m tired of waking up each day knowing that I’m not living the life that I want to live. With all the pain that I’ve been dealing with I can either throw in the towel or stick for another round. If it wasn’t for my supporting girlfriend, I would’ve gave up long time ago. She has been with me through every part of my life. She’s my best friend, and despite me falling repeatedly; she’s been there to pick me up. I’m not really sure where I would be without her.

Through all these hardships, I have to thank God because if it wasn’t for Him I would not be closer to Him the way I am now. I’ve made my share of mistakes. I am starting to understand that I had to receive a lot of hardships that eventually I had no where else to turn to except Him. By bringing me out of my comfort zone, and falling completely to my knees. I have nothing left to lose, but only thousands of things to gain.

I have always ran away from my problems, but despite the things that are going on my life, I won’t back down. I won’t back down from a fight unless I give it my all. I decided to try out sales at a car dealership. I’m not really sure if I’ll be even good at it, but here I am getting out of my safety zone for God because he has helped me. I did it before when I was little but I’ve only sold albums. My girlfriend thinks it’s because I had a cute factor, but I feel like I had this latent talent to sell. After all, when I had worked at Things Remembered I was top sales every single month for selling premium fonts. I realized throughout my life, I was able to sell a lot. Even in high school, I was able to sell my own music regardless of what people thought about it. They laughed and laughed behind my back, but despite all of that I was able to sell my own music.

I understand that selling cars is completely different from what I’m used to selling, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take even though I will face challenges here and there. I can only rise from this point on…