Feeling Lost In Love

I woke up this morning feeling lost. I felt confused because I’ve been wondering what I have been doing the past couple of years. It was in that moment when I start to realize that I’ve wasted so much time on developing myself as a person. I sought things that would make me happy and I have never fully accepted myself. I’ve ran away from problems and problems began to pile up instead of me facing it.

So I’m here… I’m here facing my problems and trying my best to get up and stand firm. It’s rough. Part of me wants to give up, but all of me wants to just get out of my situation. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of seeing people suffer because of me.

I’ve been trying my best best to grow as a person and find my purpose. I’m curious on knowing who I am. I’m curious on why I was born and what kind of success I will achieve. I think what’s important to me is getting closer to God. I have yet to have a firm faith that will lead me through all the struggles that may come my way.

So in writing this, I’m letting you all know that I’m not together. I’m facing problems myself but it will not stop me from doing my blogs. It will not stop me from trying to develop myself into the best person I need to be. I want to do this for me so I can be able to accept love and give love unconditionally.

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New Year, New You

It’s been a while since I have posted anything lately. I’ve actually finished my workout programs, and I started to do it again. Unfortunately, I’m trying to figure out why I have not been consistent in going to the gym when I have been doing it for 3 months straight. I’m trying to figure out why is it that I don’t wake up 3:30AM in the morning.

I think I am at the point in my life where I’m just lost. I’m trying to figure out what is my purpose and in these times I find myself trying to grow as much as possible.

People talk about the new year as if that should be the starting point in trying to change. Some people tend to give up and wait for the next year to start again. Time is so precious it amazes me how much I actually waste it. Yet from trying to juggle so many things as once, I realize that my mind is scattered. At those times, it is important for me to sit still and listen.

Kris Gethin’s DTP – Day 19

I think I lost my hearing. I can’t hear my alarm anymore. My body automatically wakes up at 3:30AM. It’s not 100% but I’m slowly able to program my life the way I want it to.

It’s cold… I’m always cold. I want to go back to bed, but my friend is hitting me up. I told him I would meet him at the gym at 4:30AM. I kind of don’t want to go that that gym. I like the new gym I go to. Why do I even have both memberships? I message him telling him that I’m still down to go. I sit in the char just staring at nothing but pitch black. I didn’t bother turning the lights on. It’s too much of a hassle to get up. Actually, I just don’t want anyone to know that I’m up.

Preworkout. BCAAS. These are the things I need to accompany me to the gym. I picked two empty gallons and filled one with half preworkout and the other a full gallon of BCAAS. I try to make sure I take my preworkout when I’m like 10 minutes from the gym. I hate waiting to scratch my face off so it’s easier for me to do it this way. My friend arrives. Off we go into the dungeons to fight our inner demons.

It’s an arm and ab day for this morning. Part of me feels like I know what I’m doing and the other part of me feels like I’m lacking in form. I feel a huge pump in my arms so I just be doing something right. With so many reps and so many sets within my supersets I feel like I couldn’t lift much. It came to the point where I actually had to throw my back into it just to get it up. I tried my best to do negatives slowly. Oh well.

Kris Gethin’s DTP – Day 9

After work I wanted to go to a different gym. I texted the guy, and he said he was going to call his co-workers to allow me to come in. I drive their and sat in the parking lot waiting for confirmation. I got nothing. Great… I continue to sit a couple of more minutes hoping that I would get a text. My pre-workout is kicking in. I’m itching. I’m scratching my face off. Forget this.

I drive to Giant Fitness again, and it’s crowded. Luckily, no one was using the machines that I needed to use. I notice people looking at me, but I don’t care. I need to get this done or else I’m just going to be scratching myself annoyed. I open up my app and look at what I did last week. I decided to do pyramids this time instead of sticking to one weight set the whole way through. My legs are dying.

The person next to me is moaning. It’s annoying me. I continue on with my workout. People are looking at me. Probably wondering why I’m still at the same machine for the past hour. It’s okay. I’m just following what I need to do. After I was done, my legs were so wobbly. Walking up the stairs felt so heavy. I wanted to laugh so bad because in a way it felt amazing.

I need gym clothes. Gym clothes are expensive. I wear the same gym clothes everyday. Don’t worry. I wash them, but I would to invest in some clothes eventually after I get a new wardrobe first.

JIM STOPPANI’S 12 WEEK SHORTCUT TO SIZE: DAY 7

Rest, but don’t rest. Really? I could hardly sleep last night. I probably was sleeping really awkward because my legs were just hurting. I looked at what today’s “rest” day consisted of and it looks like I was supposed to do HITT cardio or just brisk walking. Great. Not only that, I woke up late. Bummer.

I’m at work walking around looking like some robot with an awkward zombie pose. Doesn’t help when customers are walking through the door and I’m in the back of the store doing a thriller walk towards them.

Upon further research, it looks like it’s actually a good thing I’m in pain. Looks like my body is going into some kind of chaos mode which is basically adapting my body so I’m able to handle heavier workouts. Sounds like I’m going through transformations each time I work out. When I look at it that way, I’m excited!

So my goal after work is to hit up the gym real quick to do intervals on the elliptical before I head out to eat with a bunch of friends!

JIM STOPPANI’S 12 WEEK SHORTCUT TO SIZE: DAY 6

Rest.

I honestly thought I was going to be able to wake up to head to the gym. I really wanted to do my cardio intervals. The moment I got out of bed to step on the floor, I could feel my legs. Wow. I guess when your sore in your lower body you know you did a good workout. Despite me not being able to do heavy weights, I’m happy that I feel hurt.

I went to the bathroom only to find myself walking myself back to bed. Forget this. Off I went to go back to sleep. 9 hours of sleep felt amazing! I guess I was just so tired from the day before.

I’m supposed to be eating organic food. Not sure if I just should just order a smoothie though for today. I wanted to do a 24 hour water fast, but can’t yet because tomorrow my friend’s are treating me out as a late birthday treat. So, I’m not trying to overload when breaking a fast too quickly.

Persistence

How many times will it take to get to the center of the tootsie pop?

That was an old commercial that aired a long while ago. I never really understood it, and I still don’t understand it. But in a way, you can look at it as persistence.

We all know that achieving our dreams does not happen overnight. Rome was not built overnight. Athletes who become great and celebrities who become stars didn’t just happen overnight. They failed. They failed, but they kept trying. They tried different angles. They tried different strategies. No matter what they persisted on breaking through in doing things that most people wouldn’t do. We could do the things that great people could, but we prefer not to. We give up the moment we experience failure.

I, myself, give up. I expect results to happen immediately and when I do not get what I want. I tend to quit. Yet the beauty of being persistent is that you feel like you are one step closer. One step closer to becoming truly amazing. I wake up every single day knowing that just one more step allows me to reach where my own eyes can’t see. So if you’re struggling and if you feel like you are about to give up. Don’t. I haven’t so neither should you. I have experienced so much in life and to this day I am grateful that I am able to breathe. Breathing allows me to know that I still have a chance to accomplish something. To either make a difference within myself or to those around me.

Dear Future Self: Surrendering

Dear Future Self,

It’s me again…

Since the last time I wrote you, I think I managed to get a hold of things. I guess you probably forgot that you got lectured by your boss. I didn’t realize that I am so depressed. I thought that I was okay, but apparently other people can sense it that it was affecting my work progress. Crazy huh?

My boss is very worried and he’s worried to bring me on as a partner in the business if I’m not getting back to my old self. I guess I can’t really handle my emotions well. I ended up crying. Shameful…

Today, I managed to complete most of my todo list. I’m not sure what music you’re listening to, but just in case you ever feel down… listen to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. I’m not sure what kind of music it is. It could be swing. It could be jazz. Either way, it uplifts me. It makes me want to dance.

I’m done making excuses for why our life is the way it is. No worries though. I’m taking action little by little. I guess any kind of action is better than not doing anything at all which is why I continue to write.

Make sure to never skip a workout whenever times are getting difficult. That’s what I’ve done and doesn’t actually help. If you can manage to just get up and go for a run, you’ll feel a lot better.

My boss says that I am constantly trading things and selling things to get other stuff because I’m looking for a quick fix on obtaining happiness. It was such an eye opener that I never thought of that behavior. I guess what I’m looking to do now is try to obtain happiness without binging on food and buying materialistic things. After all, it’s not really helping me financially and the burden is getting heavier.

Life is a puzzle. Well that’s how I want to view it at this moment. It’s a massive jigsaw piece that I’m trying to piece together. I’m going to be experimenting and experiencing new things hopefully. Whatever piece I do not want, then I’m going to toss it away. I probably won’t make sense by the time you read this, but it makes sense to me at this present moment.

Whatever you are doing…. don’t give up.

To Weigh or Not to Weigh Yourself

So I’m not sure if it’s because I ate earlier or what, but I decided to weigh myself for whatever reason it may of been. I was disappointed. I was disappointed to see that my weight went back up. I’m not sure if it’s because of the muscle mass I’ve been gaining or maybe it’s because I just ate. Who knows.. but what I do know is that people go through this everyday especially when we are all trying to hit a goal.

I mean we been constantly working out, and constantly trying to achieve our goals only to find a single number to determine what we should feel and determine our self worth. Personally, I don’t think I should ever look at a scale again. It’s really a matter of how I feel inside. If I feel great then why should I let anything or anyone say anything different?

Maybe that’s just me… but if you were in the same situation what do you do? How do you determine your worth in this world?

Freeletics – Day 18 – Running With the Wind

Last night, I decided to go back to running while doing my body weight training. I thought that I would be exhausted and would have to start all over again, but I was wrong.

Today, I took my friend to work and I decided to do my running again around the neighborhood. I had to do a 4k run this time, and thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. Honestly, I thought that I would be tired from running last night, and I never done a 4K run just yet.

To my surprise, I was still able to breathe just fine while completing my run. I think I’m getting used to running. I’m starting to enjoy running. I used to listen to music while running, but I find myself just listening to podcasts. I like enjoying the weather outside when I’m out on a run. I used to get paranoid when people drive by and see me but I don’t care anymore.

I”m just trying to figure out if people run in the rain or when it snows. If you’re the person who has done that before and have some tips. Please share in the comments below.