Feeling Lost In Love

I woke up this morning feeling lost. I felt confused because I’ve been wondering what I have been doing the past couple of years. It was in that moment when I start to realize that I’ve wasted so much time on developing myself as a person. I sought things that would make me happy and I have never fully accepted myself. I’ve ran away from problems and problems began to pile up instead of me facing it.

So I’m here… I’m here facing my problems and trying my best to get up and stand firm. It’s rough. Part of me wants to give up, but all of me wants to just get out of my situation. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of seeing people suffer because of me.

I’ve been trying my best best to grow as a person and find my purpose. I’m curious on knowing who I am. I’m curious on why I was born and what kind of success I will achieve. I think what’s important to me is getting closer to God. I have yet to have a firm faith that will lead me through all the struggles that may come my way.

So in writing this, I’m letting you all know that I’m not together. I’m facing problems myself but it will not stop me from doing my blogs. It will not stop me from trying to develop myself into the best person I need to be. I want to do this for me so I can be able to accept love and give love unconditionally.

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New Year, New You

It’s been a while since I have posted anything lately. I’ve actually finished my workout programs, and I started to do it again. Unfortunately, I’m trying to figure out why I have not been consistent in going to the gym when I have been doing it for 3 months straight. I’m trying to figure out why is it that I don’t wake up 3:30AM in the morning.

I think I am at the point in my life where I’m just lost. I’m trying to figure out what is my purpose and in these times I find myself trying to grow as much as possible.

People talk about the new year as if that should be the starting point in trying to change. Some people tend to give up and wait for the next year to start again. Time is so precious it amazes me how much I actually waste it. Yet from trying to juggle so many things as once, I realize that my mind is scattered. At those times, it is important for me to sit still and listen.

JIM STOPPANI’S 12 WEEK SHORTCUT TO SIZE: DAY 16

I must be in love with that snooze button because I did not wake up till like 5:45AM. I’m lying in bed thinking that I’m just going to skip it. I won’t have time to do it because I have work. Maybe I should go. Maybe I should just clean up real quick. I quickly get out of bed to jump into the shower. The water is freezing, but at least I’m wide awake. I feel like I’m forgetting something. Yeah. My preworkout. I can’t leave the house without my preworkout.

I step outside and into my car I start driving into the freezing weather. It’s not even freezing yet, but I dislike the cold. I kind of miss California but don’t really want to live there due to all that drought that’s happening. Oh well. Half way to the gym I can feel the preworkout kicking in. My body is on fire. The only way to release the burning sensation is to get my workout in. The gym is crowded.

I immediately greet my buddy at the front desk. We have a quick chat, but I can’t talk for long. I immediately go to the weights. People are lifting heavier than me. I don’t care. I’m here to grow myself. I pick up the dumbbells and target my back. Kind of wish I knew if my form was good. For some reason I feel like weights feel different at different places. For some reason the weights felt heavier whereas the other gym I went to the other day it felt lighter. Maybe it’s just all in my head.

I am still amazed how muchI struggle doing incline bicep curls. They’re harder than I thought. My left arms I a lot weaker than my right. I’m thinking that maybe I should add heavier weight for my left and a little lighter on the right. Suggestions? I wanted to use one of the cables, but someone was using it. Great. I had to improvise. I manage to finish my workout. I think I feel great. Who knows. I feel like I can’t see progress but supposedly others are seeing it. Oh well. Can’t wait to eat my bag of apples tonight.

JIM STOPPANI’S 12 WEEK SHORTCUT TO SIZE: DAY 6

Rest.

I honestly thought I was going to be able to wake up to head to the gym. I really wanted to do my cardio intervals. The moment I got out of bed to step on the floor, I could feel my legs. Wow. I guess when your sore in your lower body you know you did a good workout. Despite me not being able to do heavy weights, I’m happy that I feel hurt.

I went to the bathroom only to find myself walking myself back to bed. Forget this. Off I went to go back to sleep. 9 hours of sleep felt amazing! I guess I was just so tired from the day before.

I’m supposed to be eating organic food. Not sure if I just should just order a smoothie though for today. I wanted to do a 24 hour water fast, but can’t yet because tomorrow my friend’s are treating me out as a late birthday treat. So, I’m not trying to overload when breaking a fast too quickly.

JIM STOPPANI’S 12 WEEK SHORTCUT TO SIZE: DAY 5

I was debating whether I should of done my workout before Church or after work. Wednesday I perform at Church at 4:15AM. Afterwards, I head straight to work to do my 12 hour shift from 7:30AM to 7PM. I chose to do it before.

I woke up at 11:30PM and ended up hitting the gym at 12:30AM. Early I know. I grabbed a drink of my preworkout while I was on the road. Just in time for it to kick in when I walked through the doors. My friend met up with me. There was only one other person there. I think I like nights. Maybe.

I went straight to the weights by myself. Let’s face it. When we are in the gym. The journey is on our own even if we have people with us. We are all facing our inner challenges and so I was doing just that. I had to do romanian deadlifts. Really? I don’t even know how to deadlift. Judging by my form I think I was doing well. My lower back was arching a little. Sucks.

Maybe a month from now I can lift heavier weights. Right now doesn’t seem like it’s my time to grind, but I push on. The worker at the gym talks to me. Interrupts my workout. He starts talking about religion and politics. I just want to finish up so I can head home and prepare for worship service.

My legs are wobbly. I’m not sure if I pushed hard enough. I think I should do that next time. But I was able to finish. I find myself looking up videos now to make sure I’m doing the right form and how to adjust so I am able to adapt.

Well to wrap things up, I gave my friend my creatine. I didnt’ realize that I had creatine in my preworkout. I’m not sure if I’m just getting fat, bigger muscles, or I just feel bloated especially in the face. Tomorrow and Friday is my rest day.

Persistence

How many times will it take to get to the center of the tootsie pop?

That was an old commercial that aired a long while ago. I never really understood it, and I still don’t understand it. But in a way, you can look at it as persistence.

We all know that achieving our dreams does not happen overnight. Rome was not built overnight. Athletes who become great and celebrities who become stars didn’t just happen overnight. They failed. They failed, but they kept trying. They tried different angles. They tried different strategies. No matter what they persisted on breaking through in doing things that most people wouldn’t do. We could do the things that great people could, but we prefer not to. We give up the moment we experience failure.

I, myself, give up. I expect results to happen immediately and when I do not get what I want. I tend to quit. Yet the beauty of being persistent is that you feel like you are one step closer. One step closer to becoming truly amazing. I wake up every single day knowing that just one more step allows me to reach where my own eyes can’t see. So if you’re struggling and if you feel like you are about to give up. Don’t. I haven’t so neither should you. I have experienced so much in life and to this day I am grateful that I am able to breathe. Breathing allows me to know that I still have a chance to accomplish something. To either make a difference within myself or to those around me.

Dear Future Self: Surrendering

Dear Future Self,

It’s me again…

Since the last time I wrote you, I think I managed to get a hold of things. I guess you probably forgot that you got lectured by your boss. I didn’t realize that I am so depressed. I thought that I was okay, but apparently other people can sense it that it was affecting my work progress. Crazy huh?

My boss is very worried and he’s worried to bring me on as a partner in the business if I’m not getting back to my old self. I guess I can’t really handle my emotions well. I ended up crying. Shameful…

Today, I managed to complete most of my todo list. I’m not sure what music you’re listening to, but just in case you ever feel down… listen to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. I’m not sure what kind of music it is. It could be swing. It could be jazz. Either way, it uplifts me. It makes me want to dance.

I’m done making excuses for why our life is the way it is. No worries though. I’m taking action little by little. I guess any kind of action is better than not doing anything at all which is why I continue to write.

Make sure to never skip a workout whenever times are getting difficult. That’s what I’ve done and doesn’t actually help. If you can manage to just get up and go for a run, you’ll feel a lot better.

My boss says that I am constantly trading things and selling things to get other stuff because I’m looking for a quick fix on obtaining happiness. It was such an eye opener that I never thought of that behavior. I guess what I’m looking to do now is try to obtain happiness without binging on food and buying materialistic things. After all, it’s not really helping me financially and the burden is getting heavier.

Life is a puzzle. Well that’s how I want to view it at this moment. It’s a massive jigsaw piece that I’m trying to piece together. I’m going to be experimenting and experiencing new things hopefully. Whatever piece I do not want, then I’m going to toss it away. I probably won’t make sense by the time you read this, but it makes sense to me at this present moment.

Whatever you are doing…. don’t give up.

It’s Not All About You; Engage Others

It’s a brand new week I’m off to a good start. I was able to do my running before I went to work. I was able to do my body weight training. I was able to do my miracle morning and then clean up the whole store.

So what’s my plan for this week? My plan is to be consistent with the content I’m posting but more importantly I think I want to start engaging with other people. I used to sit back and just get likes and comments. I would expect for people to like my posts, but I never replied back to people. What’s worse is that I would never comment other people’s posts either.

So starting today, I am hoping that I would spend at least 1 hour each day commenting people’s pictures or social media posts. People put effort to put content out there so the least we can do is interact. Social media was created so we connect with others, but sometimes we’re just seeking attention for ourselves only.

To Weigh or Not to Weigh Yourself

So I’m not sure if it’s because I ate earlier or what, but I decided to weigh myself for whatever reason it may of been. I was disappointed. I was disappointed to see that my weight went back up. I’m not sure if it’s because of the muscle mass I’ve been gaining or maybe it’s because I just ate. Who knows.. but what I do know is that people go through this everyday especially when we are all trying to hit a goal.

I mean we been constantly working out, and constantly trying to achieve our goals only to find a single number to determine what we should feel and determine our self worth. Personally, I don’t think I should ever look at a scale again. It’s really a matter of how I feel inside. If I feel great then why should I let anything or anyone say anything different?

Maybe that’s just me… but if you were in the same situation what do you do? How do you determine your worth in this world?

Running Towards Victory

If I had a preference on when it came to running, I would personally say I love doing it first thing in the morning. There’s a sense of accomplishment you get when you get done your run. It basically sets the day for me knowing that I want to accomplish more.

I think that as I start to develop myself, it’s time to focus more on what I really want to accomplish within these couple of months. At this present moment… where is it that I stand? Where is it that I want to go? What do I need to do at this very moment in order to take the next step towards reaching my goals?

I used to feel like I had to do at least one blog per day. I felt like I had to do one video and upload it per day. I tried to do it, and I eventually started to fail at being consistent. Consistency will lead me towards where I want to go. Maintaining focus and disciplining myself is what I should be doing.

So even though I’m a scrambled mess, I’m going to keep getting back up and try my very best.