This is Me

The fact that I am back here writing must mean that I’m doing something and I want you all to know. Not exactly. I decided to commit to trying finish my todo list. Actually, there’s so much that is happening in my life that I really can’t explain. I hope to share with you my journey as I go along. I’m just happy that I’m writing again. Sometimes we feel like we aren’t capable writers. We think that what we write won’t make sense and that no one would bother reading it. Honestly, I’m just tired of doing that.

I admit that I haven’t been doing my blogging the way I want it to. Actually, I’m not really sure if I am blogging correcting. More like, this is just my journal entry to remind me of what’s going on and keep things in perspective.

I been reading… well I been trying to read, but now is not the time to make excuses. I workout three times a day and I work 10 hours a day. I still have so much time left that I never really knew where my time has went. So here I am trying to make a daily planner. I am making a weekly planner and a monthly planner. I may not be able to tackle everything that I set out to do, but at least I can figure out what I should be doing at that exact moment.

Let me tell you something though… fasting. I fail at it repeatedly. I think today I managed to eat from 2PM to 6PM, but I ate Wendy’s and then my boss gave me pasta. Then again, I worked out 3x so maybe that would justify it. I really hope to see myself eating from 6PM-10PM instead because I tend to fall asleep if eat anything regardless of the portion size.

So I guess what I really want to tell myself is to not care about the opinion of others. Be free. Do me. Grow. Fail and learn from those failures.


Feeling Lost In Love

I woke up this morning feeling lost. I felt confused because I’ve been wondering what I have been doing the past couple of years. It was in that moment when I start to realize that I’ve wasted so much time on developing myself as a person. I sought things that would make me happy and I have never fully accepted myself. I’ve ran away from problems and problems began to pile up instead of me facing it.

So I’m here… I’m here facing my problems and trying my best to get up and stand firm. It’s rough. Part of me wants to give up, but all of me wants to just get out of my situation. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of seeing people suffer because of me.

I’ve been trying my best best to grow as a person and find my purpose. I’m curious on knowing who I am. I’m curious on why I was born and what kind of success I will achieve. I think what’s important to me is getting closer to God. I have yet to have a firm faith that will lead me through all the struggles that may come my way.

So in writing this, I’m letting you all know that I’m not together. I’m facing problems myself but it will not stop me from doing my blogs. It will not stop me from trying to develop myself into the best person I need to be. I want to do this for me so I can be able to accept love and give love unconditionally.

New Year, New You

It’s been a while since I have posted anything lately. I’ve actually finished my workout programs, and I started to do it again. Unfortunately, I’m trying to figure out why I have not been consistent in going to the gym when I have been doing it for 3 months straight. I’m trying to figure out why is it that I don’t wake up 3:30AM in the morning.

I think I am at the point in my life where I’m just lost. I’m trying to figure out what is my purpose and in these times I find myself trying to grow as much as possible.

People talk about the new year as if that should be the starting point in trying to change. Some people tend to give up and wait for the next year to start again. Time is so precious it amazes me how much I actually waste it. Yet from trying to juggle so many things as once, I realize that my mind is scattered. At those times, it is important for me to sit still and listen.


I think it’s amazing what the human mind can do. I can’t really that about the human body because I’m still in this journey. I can say that every time I hear that alarm, I dread getting up. I slap that alarm so many times that I lost count. It was around 6AM and my friend has not hit me back yet. It’s my fault because I ended up falling asleep earlier when we signed up for a free guest pass for Lifetime Fitness. Oh well.

Today’s a rest day, but Jim Stoppani want’s me to do 30 minutes of cardio. I lay in the dark just procrastinating. I want to eat some junk food. I want to sleep. It’s amazing how much we condition ourselves to think negatively. Stop.

I change my attention. I change my focus. I start wondering about how it would feel to lose this fat that’s on my sides. I don’t look that bad when I have clothes, but there’s something about these handles that just needs to go. Someone the other day noticed I’ve been losing weight. Sometimes I wonder if I shoul stop because I don’t want to lose way too thin. There was chart that said for my heigh the ideal weight is 155. I don’t think I’m close to it so I should say I’m safe.

I get up and take a preworkout. During my rest days I wish I had coffee on hand but it’s the only caffeine substance I have avaiable that I can take instead of heading to the store. I want to invest in a keurig.

I head to the gym. Cardio. Here we go. No one’s at the gym except me and some other guy. He’s on the elliptical and off I join him. Doing intervals on the ellipitical is fun. I don’t have headphones so I notice that I talk to myself quite a few times. Usually you can catch me chanting the word “focus” to each stride that I make.

After my workout, I head to Wawa to get 2 bottles of Naked Juice that has 30g of protein each. That’s 840 calories in those two bottles combined! Well, that’s my meal for the day.

I look forward to more cardio tomorrow!


Sound asleep I could here the distant sound of my alarm on my phone. Snooze. 5 minutes later I heard it again. Snooze. Waking up at 3:30AM is hard. I guess it does not help that I literally put the phone right next to me. I don’t really remember what time I woke up actually. I do know that it was around 4AM because I could remember me being on T-Mobile thinking of ordering the iPhone X. I exited the site. I’m proud of myself for once. Why would I need the newest phone when my 7 plus does everything that I need it to do?

I text my friend and I get ready for today’s workout. Upon arriving at the gym, I can feel the itchiness. Slightly. I’m thinking that it does not help that I take preworkout in the middle of the day just because I need to get through my day.

Today’s a leg day. I hate legs. I don’t think I like legs. Actually I don’t like squatting and dead lift. I’m pretty sure my form for romanian deadlifts is bad. I kind of wish I could ask the gym members if my form is okay or how to even do it. I can’t ask my friend because he will simply tell me that it’s perfectly fine.

I’m bad at math. Well, today I was at bad math especially when trying to figure out the amount of plates I should put on a bar. I guess I need to work on that. I’m thinking I like leg extensions and using the machines. I’m hoping that I eventually can get a bigger behind.

So far I’m liking the program. I’m not eating healthy though. Yesterday I ate chinese and I am hoping today I can start doing an “apple diet”. I’m thinking it’s more of a fast, so maybe I’ll eat only apples during 6PM-10PM only. I’ll do that for 5 days. I really want to get rid of my “love handles” because they’re just annoying me.


Rest, but don’t rest. Really? I could hardly sleep last night. I probably was sleeping really awkward because my legs were just hurting. I looked at what today’s “rest” day consisted of and it looks like I was supposed to do HITT cardio or just brisk walking. Great. Not only that, I woke up late. Bummer.

I’m at work walking around looking like some robot with an awkward zombie pose. Doesn’t help when customers are walking through the door and I’m in the back of the store doing a thriller walk towards them.

Upon further research, it looks like it’s actually a good thing I’m in pain. Looks like my body is going into some kind of chaos mode which is basically adapting my body so I’m able to handle heavier workouts. Sounds like I’m going through transformations each time I work out. When I look at it that way, I’m excited!

So my goal after work is to hit up the gym real quick to do intervals on the elliptical before I head out to eat with a bunch of friends!



I honestly thought I was going to be able to wake up to head to the gym. I really wanted to do my cardio intervals. The moment I got out of bed to step on the floor, I could feel my legs. Wow. I guess when your sore in your lower body you know you did a good workout. Despite me not being able to do heavy weights, I’m happy that I feel hurt.

I went to the bathroom only to find myself walking myself back to bed. Forget this. Off I went to go back to sleep. 9 hours of sleep felt amazing! I guess I was just so tired from the day before.

I’m supposed to be eating organic food. Not sure if I just should just order a smoothie though for today. I wanted to do a 24 hour water fast, but can’t yet because tomorrow my friend’s are treating me out as a late birthday treat. So, I’m not trying to overload when breaking a fast too quickly.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 1

I tried. I really did. I just feel really tired. I haven’t slept since 12AM because of going to the gym and then church and I’m at work at the present moment. It does not help that it’s cold outside. There is no heater in the store. I wanted to hold out until I got home to eat, but I think I’m going to break my fast. Actually, scratch that. I all ready ordered food.

I ordered pad thai, pineapple something, and 3 rolls of sushi. I’m probably going to regret this. Who knows? Intermittent fasting for me is just a way to control my calorie intake. Maybe I’m looking for something far more than just trying to lose weight. I do need more energy. I do want more clarity. I just know that I’m going to knock right out right when I get home. 8 more hours to go.

I need to buy batteries because I haven’t looked at a scale in months. Last time I checked I was 175. I’m hoping to get to 155 pounds by summer. I think it’s important to document my weight. Or rather maybe it’s important to keep track of what I eat. Someone told me to download some app. Who knows?


I was debating whether I should of done my workout before Church or after work. Wednesday I perform at Church at 4:15AM. Afterwards, I head straight to work to do my 12 hour shift from 7:30AM to 7PM. I chose to do it before.

I woke up at 11:30PM and ended up hitting the gym at 12:30AM. Early I know. I grabbed a drink of my preworkout while I was on the road. Just in time for it to kick in when I walked through the doors. My friend met up with me. There was only one other person there. I think I like nights. Maybe.

I went straight to the weights by myself. Let’s face it. When we are in the gym. The journey is on our own even if we have people with us. We are all facing our inner challenges and so I was doing just that. I had to do romanian deadlifts. Really? I don’t even know how to deadlift. Judging by my form I think I was doing well. My lower back was arching a little. Sucks.

Maybe a month from now I can lift heavier weights. Right now doesn’t seem like it’s my time to grind, but I push on. The worker at the gym talks to me. Interrupts my workout. He starts talking about religion and politics. I just want to finish up so I can head home and prepare for worship service.

My legs are wobbly. I’m not sure if I pushed hard enough. I think I should do that next time. But I was able to finish. I find myself looking up videos now to make sure I’m doing the right form and how to adjust so I am able to adapt.

Well to wrap things up, I gave my friend my creatine. I didnt’ realize that I had creatine in my preworkout. I’m not sure if I’m just getting fat, bigger muscles, or I just feel bloated especially in the face. Tomorrow and Friday is my rest day.


How many times will it take to get to the center of the tootsie pop?

That was an old commercial that aired a long while ago. I never really understood it, and I still don’t understand it. But in a way, you can look at it as persistence.

We all know that achieving our dreams does not happen overnight. Rome was not built overnight. Athletes who become great and celebrities who become stars didn’t just happen overnight. They failed. They failed, but they kept trying. They tried different angles. They tried different strategies. No matter what they persisted on breaking through in doing things that most people wouldn’t do. We could do the things that great people could, but we prefer not to. We give up the moment we experience failure.

I, myself, give up. I expect results to happen immediately and when I do not get what I want. I tend to quit. Yet the beauty of being persistent is that you feel like you are one step closer. One step closer to becoming truly amazing. I wake up every single day knowing that just one more step allows me to reach where my own eyes can’t see. So if you’re struggling and if you feel like you are about to give up. Don’t. I haven’t so neither should you. I have experienced so much in life and to this day I am grateful that I am able to breathe. Breathing allows me to know that I still have a chance to accomplish something. To either make a difference within myself or to those around me.